Wednesday, December 25, 2013


Merry Christmas. I'm about to head to bed, but wanted to just put a few thoughts down. I can hardly hear my own voice lately and I thought maybe it would help to put words on paper (so to speak).

The holidays are hard. I don't know if I do something different if it would make them easier, but it's too painful to think about. So I get through them and they're done and then I exhale a little bit and look to the future. It seems they've getting more difficult as I get older, so that's no good. I generally have a day in the season when I'm writing notes to employees and wrapping gifts and getting packages ready to mail and it just feels really good to be sending these little, tangible I love you's out through the USPS. That's usually my holiday. And I enjoyed that day about a week ago, so that was nice.

I'm really enjoying the NBA season and my Portland Trail Blazers this year. The rest of the world suddenly is, too (they're suddenly and uncharacteristically #1 in the league right now), but that's ok. The more the merrier. Although I'd forgotten what a full-time hobby it is - there are weeks where the Blazers play 4 or sometimes 5 nights a week! That is a lot of beer! It keeps me busy, which I appreciate, but it's also kept me too busy to exercise but steadily gaining weight. I need to figure this out fast.

I dated briefly last month and was disappointed for it to end. He was a soccer fan, so we knew it was going to, but I really thought it would last a bit longer than it did. He was a nice guy, but I've honestly truly for real this time sworn off dating guys who don't own cars (this is a thing in Portland). It feels too maternal to pick someone up every time you go out. Also, he was shorter than me (many people are), and while I thought I could maybe power through that, when it was all said and done I do think that was a bit of an irritant. My BFF visited from DC a couple weeks ago and while we were reviewing my dating life, he asked me what ever happened with Shortcake. Who? Ah. Perfect. I guess I'm open to dating more but I think I need to get myself together a bit first. I don't know.

I started a new job at the bank this week. I know, Christmas week. I've been in a particular role for the past 9 months and there's no reason to go into it but let's say it was pretty oppressive. There were good things about it, but it was much more stressful than many roles I've had. On Monday I started a new role and in the two days I've been with this new group, I've been 87% happier and 91% less stressed. The new role is big - I have 100 chickens to take care of - and it will be demanding. But I am happy about it and grateful for the job. Mostly grateful to be out of that last job, but that still counts.

Bo-ring. That's just life. I've been sewing and selling stuff in my Etsy shop. December was a busy month for sales - I had about 9. That's a lot for me. :) And I've been doing a bit of reading. I've been wanting to get a kitty and I've been visiting some shelters occasionally, but I just don't know. I'm gone a lot, so that's not good, and my heart also breaks in half every time I see a little critter. That can't be right. Um, it's just about time to make some New Year's Resolutions and I'm ready for that. I could use some focus. I've been still fighting depression this year and definitely doing the best I can, but I am ready to set some new goals for myself and give it a shot.

As I kind of limp through the holidays, I find myself incredibly grateful for my people. And if you're reading this you are one of my people. Merry Christmas. And thank you. Here's to good things ahead.


  1. Sometimes you remind me of the cohorts Dorothy collects on her journey down the Yellow Brick Road. You feel a lack of this or that or the other, yet you possess it all along. You do so much for all of us, not just in tangible ways but through your insights, your humor, your pain and loneliness, your resilience. We treasure the little Christmas card we got from you and intend to keep it for those long George-and-Martha fights married people have. One of us will pull it out and think, Now, K expected more and better from us; it's time to shape up. You're a reminder, one of those people who when they pop up in a life, remind us of what's better, what's true and lasting and worthwhile.

  2. I was going to go with "Yay! I have a people at last!" until I read Glenn's comment above, and now it's just impossible not to say "Yay! I'm a friend of Dorothy!"

    I've always thought that the reason you were into Basketball was the tall guys. Now that you've sworn off looking, you KNOW that one is going to come looking for you. It's only when you've given up that life supplies someone worthwhile. Just let me know if he has a gay twin brother.

    I enjoyed seeing friends on Christmas Eve and then having a stress-free day at home, yesterday, cooking and eating at my own schedule. It seems to me that the major holidays send everyone crazy if they have families and obligations. It looks exhausting.

    Well, I'm going to grab the last bit of sunlight outside and try to walk off some cake. Lovely to hear from you, LSL

  3. Here's to good things ahead- YES PLEASE. XO

  4. Been wondering about you :) I think of you when I'm out drinking work nights (when did we become such lushes?) and other times too ... Peace and simplicity to you in 2014, Friend.

  5. For what it's worth - Merry Christmas, LSL. And may the new year be a damn sight better than the last one, always.

  6. Your Christmas card is still hanging on my bathroom mirror, causing you to be on my mind even more than usual. The being bored part actually sounds wonderful to me. :) I miss you and hope to make a visit up that direction in the next couple/few months. <3